ALAN ALMEIDA
Scoring an extra cup of juice on your next flight might be as simple as minding your manners. “If someone even says hello back and smiles, I might turn around and give them a little refill—being nice is just so unusual these days,” says Heather Poole, a veteran flight attendant who’s blogged about her unusual job forGadling’s Galley Gossipcolumn since 2008, without ever giving away the airline she works for. Poole’s memoir,Cruising Attitude, hits shelves today, and although she doesn’t reveal her employer, she does write about plenty of other wacky details: A starting salary so low she was eligible for food stamps, bunk bed-lined bedrooms in a squalid Queens apartment, and one psychic passenger who fairly accurately predicted her future. We convinced her to divulge even more secrets of the trade…
Why do you think people are so fascinated with flight attendants?
Heather Poole: People love to hate us, but they are still intrigued by us. What most of us have in common is that we’re gypsies at heart. For me, being married, sometimes I just look forward to getting away for a day. Even our worst trip is a vacation from regular life.
How have you kept your airline under wraps? Has anyone ever recognized you on a flight?
HP: It must be the worst, best-kept secret in the industry. I’m certain that a lot of people know where I work, and they’ve been kind enough not to shout it out loud. I used to tweet where I was going. But someone in San Francisco recognized me on a flight. Now I only check in after I’m leaving.
Do flight attendants really treat people differently based on what class they’re sitting in?
HP: I am so much nicer to people in first and business because I have way fewer passengers to deal with. First class is ten passengers with two flight attendants, and business is two flight attendants with 30 passengers. In coach, you could have 150 passengers with only two flight attendants. You know when the egg hatches and the little baby birds stick their necks out to get food? That’s how I feel. Like I’m the mama bird, and there are all these little babies. You make eye contact, and it can be scary. I don’t have anything to give anyone.
is out today.
What are you biggest passenger pet peeves?
HP: I used to say the passengers who don’t answer when I ask them what they’d like to drink. Now I just have conversations with myself. “Are you finished? Okay, I’ll take that from you.” Nobody even notices.
My biggest pet peeve now is with social media. Everybody is more likely to complain about another passenger on Facebook or Twitter. People are exploding over nothing these days.
Celebrity tantrums on flights have gotten even crazier in the past few years. How would you have handled, say, Alec Baldwin’s Words with Friends debacle?
HP: It’s so hard, because who knows what our energy would have been like. But the law is you have to turn it off. I used to joke around that you don’t talk politics or religion on an airplane. Now it’s politics, religion, and technology. The rules have not changed in 20 years, but everybody acts like they’re brand new.
It’s harder than ever to get an upgrade, but people must still try. Does it ever work?
HP: I don’t want to say it never works, but it’s hard. Once, these honeymooners came on, and we gave them free champagne. After one too many beers, the “husband” said that his wife was at home—so he wasn’t making out with his new wife! It was some other woman. Turns out he never even knew her, and just said it was his honeymoon so they could get free drinks and an upgrade.
I have this friend [another flight attendant] who’s a really cute, kind of cranky guy. He’ll say to people who tell him it’s their honeymoon, “What about the sad lonely people? When do they get their day?”
What do you do during layovers?
HP: It’s down to whether you’re going to eat, sleep, or shower. For eating, I swear to God we’re like cops: If you want to find somewhere cheap to eat or drink, ask a flight attendant. I was on a flight once to Italy, and this attendant gave me her whole itinerary, and it ended up being the best trip ever. When it comes to airport food, if you see the maintenance guys and crew lining up, that’s where you want to go. It’s usually good and cheap.
What’s your best tip for someone who’s flying?
HP: Everyone’s so concerned about the trip. Let’s talk about what they’re packing for the flight:
It’s like being a survivor. You have to bring your water, your snack that will last like 20 days. You’ve got to be prepared.
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